| I am here and there, always anxious, |
| Once elated, once in despair,once in preparation as to a race, once thoroughly exhausted as being spent at the end of a race, once sorrowful, once sad, once in agitation, once in compassion, once in joy, once in happiness, once in pride, once in shame, once in guilt, once in all these types of emotion, |
| And then in self criticism which is always present. |
| When I perceive a feeling long enough to consider it excessive I ready to escape. This cycle, ending in desire to escape, seems to apply to those I consider negatively excessive. |
| There can be such an expanse of positive emotions like love that one might feel they can take no more. Still, I do not have this escape need to govern things I perceive value as positive. |
| On the positive side it seem to escape like a hot air balloon, slowly descending when the fire has been removed. The negative side is more difficult for me. I feel it pull at me like gravity. |
| Escape sometimes difficult without an external force or participant as a diving board or trampoline. Positive valued emotions are like an exercise on the trampoline in a harness because you can jump as high and twist and spin to the edge of ability and beyond. |
| I end now as I am becoming increasingly antsy. |
| I will try to remember to edit this later when I can sit still long enough to read it. I know what I want to say. I have no Idea how much of the path remains in my head. |
This has been increasing over the last week, and has been fairly acute for about 4 days, which seems more like a month, well a couple weeks.