I have been down for about 6 days so I will put down some thoughts before I forget them:
- It seems like I experience all unresolved issues, both small and large at the same time.
- This anxiety is sufficient to cause varied amplitudes of trembling and regular involuntary repetitive muscle convulsion. Primarily in the right calf, at this time.
- This is the anxiety which did not affect me in life prior to the 2008.
- I do not think I am deluded in thinking I forgave (all events in 1.)
- I did not live with anxiety. I am fairly sure of this, as I believe myself to be self-aware and would have perceived this type of anxiety had it happened before 2008.
- Personally, I think I would have noticed, even a small amount of anxiety.
- I had always seen myself solving problems (such as 1.) that occurred.
- How could my experience TX have been as devastatingly overwhelming to my coping abilities.
- I do not see a cause and effect that would explain this amplitude of basic stimuli.
- TX was the breaking of my world view. I have been through several breaking’s of worldview. I equate this to Murdock and the Unicorn. Simple breaking is usually because you accept a new worldview. A new worldview can only come about when one of its current underlying pillars is displaced by a pillar that has been found to be more true (looking at non contradiction here). Something as greater, a greater position, more inclusive.
- How do you define this new position?
- Is it good because we feel better in the new worldview? Do we? I do not think that the forming worldview can be separated from the new, affirmed, ideology, but it will be worth a look.
- If this new ideology is the true, then the new worldview will be more true, more moral, more relational with people for sure and maybe more real?
- TX changed me because there was not justice or even a way to seek satisfaction. It felt like a no win scenario. Like Captain Kirk, I can not accept a no win situation. But when the rules are withheld, dignity is lost.
- TX made me realize that I can be marginalized even if it is against the law. If I had been captured in war, I think I would not have had the worldview break, it would be somewhat expected. I can not be sure, being in a situation changes things.
- We give up some freedom for security. Whether known or not it is for security. But when you realize that and then you have your security destroyed, something is amiss. And this is the type of amiss that revolutions are meant to solve.
- For me it was unjust. Justice is a difficult concept to understand, as it has to do with written law. The laws, the Federalist Papers proposed were meant to convince the people of NY of the import of ratifying the new constitution.
- The laws of ownership are one of the key differences between American and other forms of government.
- Dignity is something we can posses. When there is an issue with dignity it is more an issue of theft than right of way.
- When people do not show dignity, they shirk responsibility and actually steal a possession from another. Not any possession, the very self.
- When a final definition of dignity is created, I can not imagine dignity will not be treated, in some way, as a possession.
- When these thefts of freedom takes place, tyranny can be the only descriptor.