I feel as if I was jaded early. During my college years, some 28 years ago, I came to think of all as vanity. I felt as if continuing my college education was pointless. Everything seemed too be focused on taking money from one person and giving it to another, Parties were fun but empty after a while. I felt as if God was the only purpose worth pursuing. Not only were the things og God the important things but it was clear He was calling me to something.
During this period I tried to soak myself in Jesus. I did work about 40 hours a week programming, but I programmed in 2 to 4 chunks week. This left me with hours to walk with God without distraction. I was literally able to walk in prayer for several hours at a time. I was involved in as much church related activities; several Bible studies, a few prayer groups a, and a few mission oriented activities. There was one specific intercessory prayer group where God made His presence known. It was in participating in this group that I heard God call me to ministry and I learned to listen and hear God, God was calling me to dedicate my life to His work. When I looked for a direction, I did not have a clear path. Then I realized God was going to use me in several roles God impressing on me that I would not be able to settle in any one ministry role. Sitting at home depressed and made what I consider to be the most important decision of my life. I said, God I do not know if I will ever be happy on earth, but that I will be in eternity with You, so take me and use me however You want.
I tend to get bored after learning some vocabulary, theories, laws, terms, or action of a job, study, project, etc. Once I think I understand something I have a hard time continuing to have drive in that area. This expectancy to be used in several roles fit with my personality.
If the exception proves the rule, then I have an exception, interest in knowing God. There in no end to the satisfaction, life, and empathy availible through Jesus. Every moment can brings something new, a eureka, but more rich and more robust. It is being in God. It can be overwhelming. One area of knowing God this way is contemplation, Contemplation is not a self directed activity during which God can join us as a partner. Contemplation is God breathed, God initiated, and God sustained.
Ours is but to yield. William James referred to genius as a branch on a neurological tree. Genius in contemplation, is, like all branches of genius, the gift of God. God is the source and substance of this gift.
Those who develop a relationship with God, experience, over the course of their lives, prayers, time with God, in which they feel their bodies and minds are filled with God. One can feel like a balloon/wines or wine skin being filled with the Spirit. We are changed when spend time with God and more when we allow God to control. This spiritual blessing is the down payment, The filling of the Spirit has broken into this age as a down payment of the inheritance to be completed and full in the heavenly kingdom to come.
17 The Spirit and the bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who wishes take the water of life without cost.
We can often become self critical when we do not spend more time than we do abiding in Jesus. In communion with God, We need to abide in Christ if I want to be empowered for ministry. This filling of God’s love drives us outward with empathy and concern for others. I do not believe it possible to stay in contemplation too long, It is God, not ourselves who initiates and sustained contemplation. It is God who decides when contemplation should end. We are not for ourselves alone but for God and others as well.
22 To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some.
Back to my purpose. God impressed on me, so many years ago, that I would be involved in writing and teaching. It would be unfaithful to say that this is not the time for those activities. It is in these area that I pour out most of my energy, both volitionally and involuntarily. Now is my time to return to “everything for Jesus.”
I am confident that my writings, journal entries, and and musings will satisfy my desire to bring good news to the afflicted, to bind the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty and freedom, to proclaim the favorable year of the LORD.
12 … I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Above all, my call is to drink deeply from the river of the water of life, that I may produce fruit continually and that my leaves bring healing to the nations. God bless these desires and those who linger here.
